As well as being one of the most popular tropical cocktails, and a classic 90’s clubbing-party song by T-Spoon, it is a scene we recognise from the movies, the tv-shows and porn. The act however can have various results, as it is proven to be quite risky to have sex in water, and not to mention in sand. As a spontaneous, passionate or drunken act, it is a high risk of the sand making it’s way into your body, and as a matter of fact, sand is a massive bacterial facilitator. Water has a healthy world of living and growing bacteria, some more dangerous than others, but sand harbours even more bacteria, and tends to be rather uncomfortable after a while. Exposing your genitals to these bacteria can lead to not-so-fun things like typhoid fever, hepatitis A and dysentery. Also, if we are realistic, when you go home from the beach, the sand is annoying. SO ANNOYING. It’s inbetween your toes, it’s in your trunks, your bikini, in your hair, on your Penous or Vayjay, your buttcrack even. And imagine if youre rolling around sweaty in the sand on a messed up towel, grinding and exfoliating your skin in different places till you go red, it’s gonna be a lot more ANNOYING. Fucking sandpaper – really?
So you gotta be smart. No matter how horny you are and how glamorous and sexy it looks, it is going to SUCK. One has to be prepared, for it to be a safe and pleasant experience. If you are in water, (pool, hot-tub, lake, sea) and you’re getting frisky, GET OUT, dry yourself OFF and resume. ‘But, you’re less likely to catch STD’s in water’ – BULLSHIT. That is a myth, and if you’re wearing a condom even, it’s more likely to break as the lubrication will wear off real fast, or it might even fall of without either of you noticing. BE CAREFUL.
If you really wanna do it on the beach, prepare yourself.
- Pack a BIG reliable blanket which can be secured with stones
- Pack some wet whipes (just in case)
- A Condom, if you gotta
- Water for hydration
And if you wanna be all romantic and you have a nice private location, why not take some music, candles, food and towels for a little post-sex swim in the moonlight?
I am a self-confessed beach-sex-fantasist. I have fantasised about doing it ever since I heard the ‘Sex on the Beach’ song, it just plane planted the seed in my brain. Recently having travelled to a tropical area where I have a lover-boy, I wanted to finally get it done. That kinda sounds very unromantic and practical, and yes I guess it kinda was, as it was more of a ‘crossing-it-off-the-list’ thing than a romantic act.
But my loverboy – WITH THE PERFECT PENIS agreed, and we set out to do it, we had just had dinner by the beach and we thought we’d walk along to see if we could find a nice private spot to have some fun. Indeed we did find a place that was sort of sheltered, and as the sound of the waves and the salty breeze was a rather attractive soundtrack, we laid down the one towel we had and started making out. Already then, after lying down, WITH CLOTHES ON, kissing and being rather excited and happy, I did start thinking; “HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE WE?!” We weren’t drunk, we were perfectly sober, and yet, we were going to grind on each other on SAND. The towel wasn’t big enough for the both of us, and as I started taking of my clothes, already there was sand everywhere. We were giggling and he was hard, so I ignored all that, and as soon as we were down to our nothing, I was laying down ready for him to climb on me and do the job, and as he was climbing aboard, his foot hit the ground and a little wave of sand was threwn in my face, chest, stomach, and dangerously close to my Kooka. He was apologising and brushing it off, the cold horrible sand, and I laughed bravely, and we started doing it. It wasn’t bad, I was wet, his dick had no sand on it, but as soon as we changed position to doggy style, all the shuffling about ended up with my private area getting a bit sandy, and as I was so wet, it was REAL sticky and was not going to get any better, he tried to sensually whipe it away, but I think we both knew at that moment, that it was OVER. I just said it, and we agreed that it was a badly planned out thing. So…. mission FAILED.
Next time, I WILL plan it, and it’s gonna be AMAZING.